Wake Forest Dojo

Bullying has been and continues to be one of the biggest problems plaguing our school systems today. It is one of the fundamental components to the violent school massacres we read and hear about on the news today. The first step to defeating the bully is to recognize what a bully is and why they are.

The school bully can be boy or girl, adult or child. They look like anyone else. At times, we can even act as bullies ourselves. So what makes a bully? Often time it’s a vicious circle of violence and cruelty. Most bullies have been bullied themselves or in a home where a parent or adult is cruel to them. A bully usually doesn’t have high self-esteem, feel valued, or doesn’t like themselves very much. So they feel empowered by taking out their frustrations on others that appear weaker.

Bullying can take place both physically and verbally. They make fun of other people, call others names that hurt, pick fights, shake smaller kids down for their lunch money and push others around.

There are alternatives to fighting your bully where you or someone else could get in trouble or worse, hurt. Remember, your greatest weapon to defeating a bully is always your mind. Using your brains to avoid conflict is always much better than fighting.

1. The first tool you have is to ignore the bully. Give them nothing in response to their threats. You can listen, but don’t give into taunting. This technique takes the wind out of their sails.

2. Try being nice to your bully. Treat the bully as your friend instead of an enemy. Try to turn a threatening situation into a friendly one.

3. Walk away! Refuse to get into a conflict, turn around and walk away with your head high. There’s no shame of cowardice in this.

4. Agree with your bully. If your bully insults you, agree with them, let the insults go and don’t fight back.

5. Refuse to fight. In our academy, our students learn that there is no winner when two people fight. The only winner in a conflict is the person who prevents the fight from happening. Just say NO!

6. And finally, if nothing else is working, call for help! Call a teacher, a parent, trusted adult or police officer. In the adult world, when a person starts violence, it’s called assault. You’re not any less important than anyone else because you are younger. Teachers and parents need to take bullying as seriously as they would if it were an adult.

Mr. Falk is the head instructor at Innovative Martial Arts Academy in Wake Forest. He is available for safety counseling, school talks programs and Anti-bullying seminars in schools. For more information visit www.martialartsforlife.net or call 562-4663.

One of the biggest tragedies I see all of the time is the loss of commitment by adults and our youth.  It’s too easy to quit a commitment rather than follow through.  Some examples are how easily people divorce, leave their jobs, file for bankruptsy, etc.  If you study this closely enough, you’ll find it’s a pattern in a person’s life.  Patterns are taught usually in our more formative years.

If a child avoids responsibility early in life, it becomes a natural tendency to avoid it later in life.  Every time we as parents allow it to happen, we make it much easier for them to allow for that pattern to dominate and become habit.  As parents, it’s too easy to let your child have their way simply because they don’t feel like doing something that has commitment or responsibility attached.

We know what’s good for our children better than they do.  We need to teach them that with anything in life, quitting is not an option.  Letting them quit sets them up for a lifetime of letting their feelings get in the way of achievement.  With this pattern well established in their lives, they will never know the joy of reaching their full potential.  It’s our job as parents to make our children finish what they set out to do, even when they no longer want to.

Martial arts is an excellent tool to teach your children what discipline and perseverence can achieve.  They learn goal setting and learn tools for success that other team sports and extracurricular activities can’t come close to touching.  If you are a parent in the Wake Forest, NC area and interested in character education and success training for your children, please feel free to look us up at Innovative Martial Arts Academy.